Bringing Us All Together

Well, o.k., I might have offended a few people, but not that many. I sat down and made a list. Over the past two plus years of writing for this site, I’ve offended the religious right, the liberal left, Italian people, French people, Irish people, American people, people from Finland, people from Norway, people from Sweden, probably people from Mongolia, Chinese-Canadian Irish celebrants, sellers, shoppers, tech support workers, young people, old people, my mother, my father, my girlfriend, Innowen, Sascha Chow, Dr. Seuss fans, perverts, organized people, disorganized people, women, men and gay female video game enthusiasts. And Doug. O.k., so I’ve offended a few people! Well then, how about something to bring us all together again, something we can all relate to?

Don’t you just hate those email chain letters, those chain letters disguised as pleasant messages? Chain letters used to be simply of the “Send this to ten people and you’ll win the lottery” variety, but now someone has decided that they should take otherwise nice, friendly messages and tack a chain letter onto them. Not only are any sort of chain letters annoying, but now they’ve ruined the nice thoughts people are sending to me. I hate that!

Basically, all you do is take a nice message, sometimes a new thought and sometimes something traditional, like a poem or a prayer, and then turn it into a chain letter. It looks something like this:

  • May there always be work for your hands to do, May your purse always hold a coin or two, and if you don’t send this to 10 people in the next 5 minutes, may your crotch become infested with the fleas of 11 desert camels.
  • I sent this to you, ’cause I think you’re great. Send this to everyone you think is great, including the person who sent it to you. If I don’t receive this back, I’ll know you hate me and never talk to you again.
  • I sent you this angel [picture of angel who looks like she’s on her way to a Spring Break party] for good luck. If you don’t forward this to everyone in your address book, may you be ambushed by hooligans.
  • I sent you these two guardian angels [picture of two guardian angels] to give you good luck. If you forward this to 37 people in the next 143 seconds, you’ll have good luck tomorrow at 9:15 a.m. If not, you’ll be indicted.

The worst thing about these chain emails is that they ruin the nice thoughts my friends were sending to me. Don’t ya just hate that? Doesn’t anyone ever just forward dirty jokes anymore?

Alright until next time, keep your pen on the page or your nasal hair will come alive and strangle you.

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